January 15, 2017: Day +57

The Blessing of the Magi by Jan Richardson

Today Doug was even better than yesterday.  He is stabilizing his neck and shoulders. I can see the muscles move up into his arms as he tries to move his hands and the muscles in his calves as he tries to move his legs.They are awakening. He is more engaged and alert. He is moving with the light from the Epiphany.  For all this I say Amen!

My friend Kate Malone sent me this poem last week, written by Jan Richardson about Epiphany.  I have read it over and over. I have likened it to Doug's and my story.  Like the Magi we set off on a clear path, determined and resolute.  Our stay in Mexico and going through the HSCT treatment was a true gift, filled with the expectation of new life and hope. The road back has been much darker, with only enough light to take the next step.  Poet Jan Richardson says:

You will set out in fear

you will set out in dream

but you will set out

by that other road that lies in shadow and in dark

And indeed we have set out in fear, still holding onto the dream, but the road does indeed lay in shadow and dark.  It takes continuous prayer to constantly watch and feel assured by Doug's little bits of improvement. The doctors constantly have told me the road back will take months and it will be filled with peril.  I can only hope they are wrong.  They did not think that Doug would make it and he has, they did not know his spirit, or mine, or those walking with us. For indeed, the light that we thought we had left behind in Mexico, does indeed go with us, spilling out ahead of us to help us to take the next step on this path.

a POEM  from Jan Richardson

Blessing of the Magi

There is no reversing this road.

The path that bore you here

goes in one direction only,

every step drawing you down a way

by which you will not return.

You thought arrival was everything,

that your entire journey

ended with kneeling in the place

you had spent all to find.

When you laid down your gift,

release came with such ease,

your treasure tumbling from your hands

in awe and benediction.

Now the knowledge of your leaving

comes like a stone laid over your heart,

the familiar path closed

and not even the solace of a star to guide your way.

You will set out in fear

you will set out in dream

but you will set out

by that other road that lies in shadow and in dark

We cannot show you

the route that will take you home;

that way is yours

and will be found in the walking.

But we tell you

you will wonder

at how the light you thought

you had left behind goes with you,

spilling from your empty hands,

shimmering beneath your homeward feet,

illuminating the road with every step you take.