January 17, 2017: Day +59

 

When reflecting on the Epiphany I think about the light coming into the world.  I think about sunrises, when night becomes morning.  I think about awakening. I think about transformation and change.  Tonight, writing the blog, I wanted an image of the Epiphany to reflect upon and what I found were single stars. You might say, "Well of course one star.  The wise men were following a single star." And I would say, yes, of course, a star...

I looked into the night sky, this night, and there were no bright stars and so I imagined, what would it be like to follow a star, a bright star.  A star is surrounded by darkness, you can only see stars at night, it is so easy to become lost.  Do you follow it night after night?  Do you still follow, when your friends, your families, your co-workers think you are foolish? Do you follow when you only have your inner compass, your own faith to mark this journey? Do you believe your companions who are with you, these fools who believe in this star and walk with you? Whom do you trust? Whom do you believe?

In this long journey with Doug, with Doug having MS and with all the recent frightening events that have left Doug without being able to move, we have had to keep our eye on the light. To lose the light is to loose life. That light, that sometimes burns brightly and sometimes very dimly holds our hope and our belief that darkness will soon turn to light.  A new day will be born.

I want to thank our friends and family who have walked with us, keeping the faith, nudging us on and reminding us of who and whose we are. We are so grateful for the help offered.  At Vibra, I am so thankful for the attitude of the staff and for their cheerfulness. Doug is so uncomfortable in bed, he cannot readjust himself as we all do, he has to ask others to do it for him. It is frustrating for him. I weary too, of pushing his glasses up, scratching his nose, his ankles, his legs for the umpteenth time. But tonight, I was so grateful, for the cheerful faces at the door, offering help, and offering support, holding the light, by believing in the vision of healing and a return to wholeness.

Today was a more difficult day for Doug. He was so tired and weary of this condition. He did not feel well. He did so much yesterday and he was tired today. And then our friends the Rev. Jennifer and John came by to visit. His mood brightened. He enjoyed the companionship and friendship and I most certainly did as well.

I needed to go over the to the school district to talk about when I would be returning to work and my contract.  During that time my sister came to stay with Doug.  Upon returning I was telling her about my concern with paying off the loan for Doug's treatment, the medical costs we will have and not working.  She so graciously offered to pay off the loan for his transplant and help in any way she can.  She shared her light with me this night and both of our lights grew brighter. Doug's favorite saying is that the best prayers have feet. She came running to answer my prayers this night.

So much has happened these past months, that all that we can do is follow that light, keeping faith, knowing that the one who created this world, is waiting, lighting the way and will lead us to transformation. We must trust in the slow work of God.

And so we pray:

God of light that transforms and transcends, be with us as we journey to healing.  Help us to trust the journey. When things dip, fall apart, tire us, graciously pick us up, restore us, and gather us together with others who are following the light so that our hope and our faith are sustained. God of light, watch over Doug this night, be his night-light, so that he might rest deeply in you.  And graciously be with me, sustain me as Doug and I walk this journey together.  In your name we ask it.  Amen