It is interesting to live life where it is so blessed and painful. The pain is the reality of Doug's body not functioning. He cannot move at all on his own. He is dependent on others for all of his needs. And at the same time, he is improving. I remind him time and again of his improvement. Remember you have gone from moving nothing and barely able to express a word that could be understood and now you can do all these things; and I list the things. But in truth, he still can't move.
This is the darkness, not moving. But every time the darkness feels like it might over take us, I remind both of us of the light. I remind both of us of the star. I know the star is real. The light is not just my imagination and I know that the light gets brighter each day. Have you ever gone camping and you are sitting around the campfire. The fire is so bright and warm. But the night is getting late and you need to get ready for bed. Perhaps you need to go to the bathroom and so you turn from the light and face the forest that is behind you. The forest is so dark. You forgot it would be so dark, because for hours you have been focused on the light of the campfire. As you struggle into the darkness you are anxious to get back to the light. So it is with this journey. Sometime, when helping Doug with range of motion exercises, we both can see how weak he is and how his muscles are not responding, but at the same time, I am telling him look what you can do. You can see light or dark. Do you choose the light (star) or the darkness (forest)?
Well, so far, the light always wins. And today, there was more light. Doug had a swallow evaluation today. He was nervous about this because it meant putting a camera down his nose to watch him swallow different types of textures. The reality of the procedure was easier than the fear of doing it. The camera is very small and the Speech and Language Pathologist used Lidocaine to ease the pain. The good news is that after the study, Doug was approved to have a trial lunch tomorrow of pureed foods. We are very excited. This is a step toward getting the feeding tube removed.
Then tonight when I was doing range of motion exercises. I found that Doug was able to pull his arm into his stomach with just the littlest support from me. And today when the aides were turning him to change his sheets he suddenly was holding the side of the bed. He grabbed it himself when they turned him. I still can't believe he did that and I don't know how it happened
Finally I want to thank Penny Stubs for keeping Doug company this morning. Her companionship allowed me the time to take our dog Stryder to the vet. Doug really wants to see Stryder, but first he needed to get his shots updated. They were due right before Christmas. As soon as Doug is no longer in neutropenia, I will be able to take Stryder for a visit.
And so yes, the light is growing.
God of Light and Hope, guide us on this path of healing. Help us to forget the darkness that surrounds us. Help us to concentrate on the star. The star that directs, lights and comforts us. Shine brightly on Doug, so that he can see the healing that is his and the healing that is awakening in him each day. In your name we ask it. Amen.
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