January 3, 2017: Day +45

Dear Friends, I am so glad to share this journey with all of you.  Your prayers, support and encouragement when I can hardly go on, make such a difference for us.  Your prayers are like angels whispering in our ears, helping us to keep the faith and making God known to us in our darkest hours.

This morning, I had to stay home for a few hours so that I could pay bills and get the sidewalk shoveled.  I have not paid bills since we arrived home on December 3 because I have only focused on Doug and being with him at the hospital as well as carving out a little time to be with our family to celebrate Christmas.

 Nurses Loraine and Shantel

And so I got to the hospital around 11:00 this morning.  When I walked into Doug's room he had the feeding tube in his nose and he looked up and he was glad to see me.  It was so different than yesterday: a complete turn around. Loraine, his nurse talked to Doug about the tube.  He agreed to try again. She and Shantel were able to place it on the first try.  It hurt but he was able to push through it.  I sat down next to him and told him how glad I was that he was willing to have the feeding tube. We were able to talk about the struggles we have had these past weeks and cry together.  I told him that I wish I could have protected him from all this and how sorry I am that he has had to suffer so much.  Old Doug was back, we were able to mourn together and we both felt better.

Loraine came into Doug's room shortly after I arrived to re-position him.  While here she asked him to move his hands and he moved a few fingers.  Then she asked him to move a few toes.  They have asked him these same questions for a week.  But this time, Doug moved his toes a little bit. We were all so thrilled.  It was so exciting.  I know it is not much, but it is something.  Hallelujah!

Doug's nurse Wayne

The transition person from Vibra hospital called me  to tell me that they have a contract with United Health Care and that she would be coming to St. Alphonse's to review Doug's files and make the request with our insurance to approve for Doug's transfer.  So, now we are waiting for approval but are pretty sure that Doug will be moved tomorrow or the next day. This is where it becomes somewhat sad for us. It is time for good byes to the staff we have become attached to here at St. Alphonse's these past weeks. Some of these folks have literally saved Doug's life.  Loraine and Shantel will not work again until Friday or Saturday.  John and Cheryl our respiratory therapists that have often been with us, won't work again until next week.  Dr. O.  who was with us the first week, stopped me in the hall to talk to me about how Doug was doing and to share my grief with Doug not being able to move his body.  Each of the staff that have worked with us for so long stopped to talk and to say good bye.  After such a rocky start here, we now have a new little family, that we have come to depend on. So many of these folks I will hold in a special place in my heart.

Respiratory Therapist, John

More angels surrounded us today.  Sonya brought me my favorite holiday treat, rum balls. My sister Kate came over and bought me lunch.  Fr. David came over to check on Doug, visit and pray with us. My District colleagues came by for a visit and took me to dinner.  The poetry of the journey that Deb shared and Kelly's comments on the blog remind me that we are on a camino. My first few days on the Camino de Santiago in Spain were so difficult and I wondered if I could make it and after taking step and step, the day would come to an end and we would be one day closer to Santiago.  Doug has lived to see another day and in choosing the feeding tube, he has chosen life, struggle, hard work and someday glory. The road is long, but for today, we took another step.

On this Camino, we can't go back, we can't stay where we are, we must go forward. With God's help and each of you, we will move forward. God bless all of you for your prayers and support.

Holy One, Light in our darkness, thank you for lighting our path today.  Thank you for strengthening our hope, with showing us small improvements. Thank you for giving us friends to share this journey, who nurture us through their words and love.  Thank you for the relationships we have found with some very special staff and doctors. We continue to pray, that as each day comes that Doug  will continue to experience improvements in health and strengthen his faith in your goodness. In your name we ask these things, Amen