My friend Ingrid, said to me last Friday, have you had a good cry, you need a good cry. Last Friday, I told her that right then I was just mad. I was so frustrated with the family conference that we had. But today, I could not keep the tears from running down my face. When Stryder and I went to the cardiologist for him, the tears would not stop running. I love him so much and hate the idea of not having him. He has been my best buddy for so long. He has kept Doug company all day. The two of them have always had each other since Doug got M.S. The tears had probably been building up for a long time, but today the dam broke. The cardiologist at the pet hospital was wonderful. He came and sat next to me and told me how he had gone through the same thing with his own dog a few months ago and he was still grieving. He did an echo cardiogram with Stryder. It was not good. Stryder has valves in his heart that are leaking. His heart is enlarged and not pumping as it should. He has atrial fibrillation. His heart is beating too fast. He has medicine for him but is not sure if it will work. If Stryder responds we might have 6 months or maybe even a year. He wants me to bring him back in a week. He also said I could call or email any time. And he told me that he would help to decide when if we would need to put Stryder to sleep. That was a big relief to me.
Today, Stryder is not eating and he is sleeping a lot. The doctor said he might be nauseous. He can call in medicine if Stryder does not start eating tomorrow. I have noticed that he is coughing less today. His respiration is much better. He has been able to walk and has used the doggy door. Right now he is laying next to me in his bed, just like he does every night. I am going to enjoy it. He is such a faithful and loving companion.
When I was at the pet hospital a poem came to me that I have not thought of for year
I am thankful every day I live,
For the warmth and kindness that you give.
And I am thankful that in God's design
He thought to make you mine all mine.
Thank you Stryder for your life with us.
After leaving the doctor, I went to see Doug to give him an update. Of course he has been so worried. He too was grateful that today, we did not need to say goodbye. We have a little more time.
This afternoon, the new bed was delivered. It will be so much better for Doug. I think he will really like it. It is adaptable. The head and feet can be raised up and down. He will be able to sit up in bed
Then I went out to the Knights of Columbus. It was amazing to see all the equipment they have collected and that they give away. I was able to get a Hoyer Lift to pick Doug up to get him in and out of bed, wheelchair and his lift chair. I also got a shower chair, commode and selected an electric wheel chair that I will be able to pick-up next week. It was so touching to have these items just given to us. It saved us thousands of dollars. And maybe someday we will be able to give them back to benefit someone else.
I called Doug on the way home to let him know what I was able to get. He was glad. He told me that the hospital team had there weekly meeting and that his new date for leaving will be March 30th. The doctor must have been able to get the insurance to agree to extend the time another week. I was grateful. And then Doug told me that the team would like me to come down and spend a couple of nights with him at the hospital. I said "What"???? And then I said no. I have a sick dog and cannot see any reason why I would spend the night. I spend hours and hours at the hospital and don't need to sleep there too. I have no idea what they are thinking.
Then the OT called and asked if I had seen the picture of the shower chair she had selected. I told her that I had but that it won't work with our shower. I told her I was getting a shower chair and she told me that she would need to see it. I told her that I have been accommodating people for 35 years and that I know Doug and our home and that I can select the right chair. Then she told me that she wanted to come out to our house next week to evaluate it. I said that was fine, but that we bought our house last year with the thought of being prepared and assured her we can meet his needs. My bigger worry, is having him come home and needing constant care and not being able to move on his own. She said you will have a Hoyer. I said it takes 2 people in the hospital and it is a lot for one person 7 days a week. And most importantly I want Doug to have intense therapy not just home therapy. All said, I am just not sure we are on the same page. I know the doctor understood my concerns but I am not sure the therapists do.
It was a hard day. But when I got to the end of the day, I had to give thanks. Doug is getting another week of therapy and will have another week to get stronger. We have Stryder for now. And we have the equipment we need for Doug to come home. That is a lot. And so we pray:
God of Mystery, my mother always said we should thank you for small favors. Today I am thankful for small favors. I am thankful for the ministry of the Knights of Columbus. I am thankful that Stryder is here tonight, for having a new bed and the equipment Doug will need. I am thankful that Doug will have another week of intensive therapies. We pray that you watch over Stryder and heal his heart. Be with Doug and I as he continues to heal and as we prepare for his homecoming. In your name we ask it. Amen
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