March 15, 2017: Day +115

As I am writing this tonight, I am laying on the couch, watching our Stryder sleep on his bed.  He has been sound to sleep for over an hour.  The pet hospital called around 4:00 and said that Stryder could come home tonight and then come back tomorrow to see the cardiologist.  The doctor told me that he has atrial fibrillation.  He also has some spots on his liver and something on his spine.  The most pressing issue is his heart.  The other things that he did not mention are the difficulties he is having walking because of his hips and a growth on his eye that needs to be removed along with multiple fatty tumors on his body.  He is thirteen and half years old.  He is an old guy.  Doug and I both love him so much.  It is hard to think of not having him any longer.  I may have to make some tough decisions tomorrow or in the days to come.  It breaks my heart.

Funny, Stryder's symptoms were not much different then Doug's.  It began with coughing, then he had lung problems, followed by atrial fibrillation, then needing Lasik to take the fluid off his body along with an IV for fluid.  I am not sure what is happening, but it is pretty interesting that their symptoms are so similar. And I am left trying to figure out how I am going to physically manage Stryder if he cannot walk and how I will physically manage Doug if he cannot stand or walk.  Stryder may love his dad, but did he have to go this far?

After I picked up Stryder tonight I took him to the hospital.  We had the nurses help Doug into his wheel chair so that he could come out to the van and see Stryder.  I wanted him to be able to see him at least one last time not knowing what the night or tomorrow may bring.

Of course we are both very sad. It has been a tough few months on all of us.  All of our hearts have been breaking. We pray for both Doug and Stryder that they both may be healed and that they both will walk.  And prayers for me that my knee will continue to heal so that I can support both of them.

Most merciful God, be with Stryder this night.  We pray that his heart will be healed so that we might have a little more time.  We are not ready to tell him goodbye yet.  We pray for Doug, that his legs will be made strong so that he may walk  and so that he may come home.  We pray for continued healing of my knee, that I might care for each of them. Strengthen our trust in you and remind us in
our worries and fears that you are with us always.  Amen