We are still in a time of waiting. We have not heard anything Doug's hematologist or the neurologist regarding Doug getting the retuximab infusions. I will call the hematologist tomorrow and probably have to leave a message to express my concern. And then I guess if we don't hear anything by Thursday I will call my daughter-in-law to see what she can do. It is just so much more complicated and expensive to go out of state. I am not sure what will happen with our insurance even if we can find someone to give the infusions if we have to go out of state. In the meantime, I am continuing to read about pilgrimage. I was reminded again tonight that a pilgrimage is about making the decision to go on the pilgrimage and to actively seek a new understanding or transformation. Often when you are on a pilgrimage it is not at the beautiful vista or the rolling stream that you have profound moments of understanding. It is more often at those times of struggle, when you are wondering why you have decided to walk so far or even make this journey. The pilgrim is to continue in faith even when there is no evidence of progress.
In reading a reflection I get from Richard Rohr this morning, he was writing about faith. Faith he says is not blind assent or reasoned assent, but faith is essential to spiritual transformation. I am reminded that we must continued on, in the absence of seeming progress. The destination is approaching even if we cannot see the station. And so we keep on taking the next right step. After all when you are in the middle of no where what else is a person to do?
And so we pray:
God of faithfulness, how easy it is for us to think that we are in control of things. How easy it is for us to think we have to have the answers. How easy is it for us to get caught up in the "what -ifs". What if I do this or do that? Doug always says the best prayers have feet. And so we will continue to keep taking the next step, but as we do we will also trust in you. We will watch in faithfulness to the unfolding of the path before us. We will, with your grace, not forget that we don't walk alone. And for that, we give thanks. Amen.
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| Trixie, our faithful walking companion and patient companion in writing the blog. |
Continue in faith and faith is what we constantly test and question when the hardships interfere with the journey. I find I am questioning a lot these days. After spiritually sharing in the witness of a true miracle with Doug, why would I question my deep faith. I guess it's a time of waiting as we gather our hearts spiritually , let us all be thankful, thoughtful and full of hope for the next challenge/journey. Amen
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