Tonight Doug and I were skimming through the TV Guide, to see what we wanted to watch. Code Black was on at 9:00. We used to like to watch it. It is about a city emergency room. There are lots of life and death decisions that happen second by second. The last two days I have spent time with my two friends, Joanne who is the hospital suffering from paralysis and my friend Sherry who had her hip replaced today. While eating in the cafeteria with Will, Sherry's husband, waiting for Sherry to get out of surgery, a woman came up to our table, and she asked if I remembered her. It was Lisa. She was the woman who helped us transition from St. Al's to Vibra. All these events today reminded me of the tenuous days when Doug was so sick on the ventilator, then on the tube feeding and not being able to move, then being able to sit-up and eat and finally to where he is today. Thinking about Code Black, I thought about how many lives teeter between life and death. I thought about how it does not just depend on what our doctors and nurses do or what we do. Going through these past months I more deeply realized that there is so much that we do not control. I have learned more and more about living in grace.
Driving home tonight I was listening to NPR and heard about a program that studied soldiers that suffered from PTSD. The study showed that many or most of the soldiers recovered because they moved into PTGS, Post Traumatic Growth Syndrome. These soldiers grew out of the trauma and were transformed. In a spiritual sense we talk about transformation. As we come to an end of the Easter season, it seems a good time to think about transformation, and one last time before Pentecost to think about what needs to be or is being transformed in our lives. Many years ago I remember hearing a sermon where the priest said to turn our chariots of iron into chariots of fire. I loved this image and it has stayed with me.
So tonight, my prayer for all of us who have suffered, is to allow our chariots of iron to be transformed into chariots of fire. May we carry that light, that fire, with us, within us, and to others, who need to see the light in the darkness. Amen
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