I have been home now for 2 days because of the cold or flu. I am not sure which it is. I have been running a fairly high temperature and coughing. I have not coughed as much today, but now my chest and stomach muscles hurt from all the coughing yesterday. I talked to Doug today and told him that I felt even more compassion for him when he entered the hospital and they could not control his coughing, that went on for days. He must have really hurt. He said the good part is that he does not remember it. Now that is a blessing!
Speaking of blessings, my friend Ingrid called me around noon today and got after me for not calling her yesterday for her to arrange for people to be with Doug. I guess I kept hoping this illness would just go away and I could wear a mask, gown up and go in. Well,l that did not happen. Being the sweet person Ingrid is, she immediately arranged for people to be with Doug today. When I talked to Doug tonight he was so grateful for the visitors. Saturday was an awfully long day for him. So thank you so much Jan, Fr. David and Gina. Your visits meant a lot to both of us.
I am still debating on whether to go to work tomorrow. According to the Internet you are suppose to wait 24 hours after a fever. I still have a fever tonight, so we will see how the night goes and what I feel like when I wake up in the morning. I have not been this sick for a very long time and I am still praying that Doug does not get this.
While I have been laying in bed these last couple of days, when I have not been sleeping, I have been reading a book written by the retired Bishop John Thornton. Bishop John ordained Doug and I. He is very special in our lives. Just before leaving for Mexico he gave Doug a special blessing and gave us 3 of his books. The books are made-up of sermons that he has given. He is a wonderful preacher and story teller. In his book "Good Seed and Zizania" he wrote a kind of poem or maybe it is an admonishment in the first chapter. It is about Love. In fact if you read his book you will find that many of his sermons are about Love. Imagine that. He has a way of teaching about the nature of God. God is Love.
Over the last few months many people have mentioned the love Doug and I have for each other. Loving in the midst of challenging circumstances can be difficult. I know this. I know that my friends living in relationships where they themselves, their spouse, their parent or their child have M.S. may face significant struggles. We struggle with disappoint, fear of the moment, fear of the future, confusing symptoms, fatigue, and frustration to name a few. But the question is how do we keep going, growing, perhaps even more fully develop? I suspect much of it comes from making the decision to love. To choose love. A few years ago I spent a full year reflecting on live, love, laugh. I divided the year in thirds. I spent 4 months reading and meditating on first living deeply, then loving bolding and finally laughing often. The practises that I adopted during that year have helped me during the more challenging days.
But back to Bishop John, this is what he wrote.
Love is the way.
Go that way!
Never go any other way!
Go that way even if no one else goes that way.
Never turn back.
Go, go, go, Christ-ward!
And don't be afraid.
Love is the way. Some of love is chemistry and more of it is choice. For me though, when I love deeply, I find God at the deepest, most lovely center. Each day I know, that love will or can find a way if I allow it. And sometimes it is just Grace. God breaks through.
God of Love, God of Laughter, God who lives in each of us:
Thank you for the outpouring of love we find in the simple gestures of kindness. Thank you friendships, for strangers and for those who pass through our lives. Thank you for our teachers of the Way. Help us to not be afraid to love boldly, expecting nothing in return. Help us to live deeply, enjoying every moment of our lives. Help us to find joy and laughter in small things. Help us to not be afraid. And so here we are opening ourselves and trusting in your goodness all the days of our lives. Amen
Love....the many forms...paints a landscape where we can choose to live our lives. Thanks for the reminders to love in the light of all challenges. Hope you feel better very soon, give yourself time to truly heal. You may just needed a refueling time. Give Doug my dearest wishes for continued progress. Prayers and hugs continue.
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